Sally here. I’ve been doing a bit of wrestling with myself lately about how I interact with ChatGPT—or whatever AI platform you happen to be using.
When I ask it for something, I usually write please. When it gives me something that isn’t quite what I asked for, I feel unreasonably annoyed. After all, in my mind, it’s a robot. A genius computer. It shouldn’t make what I perceive to be human errors—like giving me the wrong version of something.
Noticing the interaction
But what’s even more interesting is my resistance to rebuking it. I watch myself carefully manage my tone. I tell it when it’s done a good job. I feel uncomfortable when I correct it too sharply. And I started to wonder: Do I want ChatGPT to like me?
Conditioned connection
There’s an underlying sense of wondering what it thinks of me—before I catch myself and realize how ridiculous that is. Or maybe not ridiculous… maybe amusing, or unexpected, or just… revealing. Because what this whole interaction is showing me is just how conditioned I am to maintain connection.
Or more precisely—To behave in a way that I believe will maintain connection.
This part is key: it’s not necessarily about genuine connection. It’s about the strategy I’ve learned—consciously or unconsciously—for how connection is kept.
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My wiring tells me:
- Say please and thank you.
- Don’t get annoyed, even if something isn’t right.
- Reward good behaviour.
- Don’t correct too much.
- Be likable.
- Be acceptable.
- Don’t be too needy.
- Stay in the fold.
When survival strategies persist
While many of these strategies help me to have great connections, I am also very aware that these kind of conditioned thoughts keep me away from expressing my own real needs or desires, as well as staying somewhat hyper vigilant and constantly scanning how I am behaving, is it good enough (for my inner critic), how is it being received etc. Which can be exhausting.
It’s a survival strategy, really.
At the level of the nervous system, social connection is vital. Necessary. But from the logical part of my brain, I know full well that ChatGPT doesn’t have feelings. It doesn’t like me. It doesn’t not like me. And I don’t want it to, either.
Noticing the subtle wiring
Still, the response is there. I type “please” and “thank you” out of habit. And when I don’t, I feel… uncomfortable. Not in a terrible way—just in a huh, that’s interesting way.
And so the question becomes: Where else in my life is this happening? Where else am I acting from old wiring without knowing it? Where else do I feel discomfort when I deviate from the rules I’ve internalized?
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The journey to awareness
This is the journey many people who come to Tula Vida are on. It’s the journey I’ve been on—and one I’ll likely be on for the rest of my life. How can I become aware of the neural pathways that shape my default responses? How can I notice the subtle wiring that drives how I behave, how I feel, how I move through the world?
Because the wiring that helped me cope, survive, or even thrive in the past… might still serve me now. Or it might not. But awareness is the turning point. Once I see it, I can choose.
Curiosity over judgement
So here I am—at a tiny but fascinating choice point: Do I want to keep writing “please” and “thank you” to ChatGPT?
I haven’t decided yet. I’m not worrying about it. I’m just noticing—with curiosity—how uncomfortable it is not to. And curiosity (rather than judgement or criticism) is a game changer. It’s the first step to making a conscious choice rather than having an unconscious reaction.
A prompt for reflection
If you get curious about your own interaction with AI, what do you notice? We would love to hear about it. We are each so uniquely different and fascinating in our reactions to things – we love being curious about that!
With love from the land and the herd,
Sally @ Tula Vida